The worst feeling in the world is never feeling satisfied or content with what I have. I am constantly in this perpetual loop of wanting more considering I have been blessed with more than enough. It’s sad to think that my happiness and well-being have been tied to consuming things that have no value – except the value the world and I place upon these useless objects that I can’t take to my grave. I once read a quote by Paul TP Wong: “Time spent in self-reflection is never wasted -it is an intimate date with yourself”.
Just how important it was to pursue the girl I love in the initial cording phase of the relationship. I wanted to know everything about this person from what she likes, her love language, what makes her laugh, what makes her uncomfortable, etc. That same time and effort I put into my girl in the initial phase and continue to do is the same intimate energy that I need to pour into uncovering my darkest insecurities of wanting more.
I’ve decided to take myself on a date and really get to know the triggers that have caused me to fall out of alignment of having contentment and gratitude, so below are some starter questions I’m asking myself.
When did I become this way?
Why do I buy things I don’t need?
Why do I spend countless hours on social media?
Why am I trying to impress people who don’t know or like me?
What’s driving my insecurities?
Why are people’s opinions important?
I might not have the answer to all the questions above but I’m proud of myself for trying to peel back a layer of the onion one day at a time. One thing I’ve learned that has been helpful from this process is decluttering my mind and space. For example, the stuff that I bought that I never wear gets sold on Poshmark – surprisingly I’ve sold enough merchandise to be distributed a 1099-K tax form. For my magnificent mind, anything that’s not empowering me gets zero energy. It can be simple as thinking I need to buy a new car because my buddies just got the new Tesla X model. The more I want I realize the less I have and at the end of the day I’m surrounded by a sea of nothingness
With Love,
Adrian Thomas
